Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
