no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
