have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
