get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize