your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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