i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
