i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
