He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm bleeding and have questions
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
