Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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