I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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