I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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