Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
