when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
