They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
