yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
