Acid is not a monday night drug
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
