he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
This is the high leading the old right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
