OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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