there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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