The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
