Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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