he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I wish you could order shots online.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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