it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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