I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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