Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
