just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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