Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
