I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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