...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Your face is a jimmy john
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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