I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Randomize
