Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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