Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
