Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Your cock deserves a montage
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
