he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
