Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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