This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
