tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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