I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
