I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
