Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
