I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
