I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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