no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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