I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
