You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
