I wish I could punch you in the face.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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