i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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