he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
