So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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