shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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