My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
