So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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