We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
