I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
