I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
