Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I lost the right to judge tonight
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize