I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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