I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
