hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Randomize
