I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize