I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he was CRYING into my vagina
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
