We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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