ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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