I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
