Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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