Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize