a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
That's when you crack a 10am beer
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
