You're completely useless in the revolution.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
