I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
