We won't sleep together?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
