I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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