I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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