It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
