You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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