Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My ATM looks so different sober.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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