I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
