Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
