at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
