You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
