I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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