DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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